Clomid...a glimmer of hope!

Ok so on a more positive note I have been introduced to Clomid...a little secret.....before I had heart surgery I was on clomid....got pregnant and had a miscarriage... this my friends was a glimmer of hope. A big one. After 14 months of trying with no success I finally found out that pregnancy was possible. Of course I would prefer to have the baby come next month but at least I had a glimmer of hope. I know what some of you are thinking....waht is this girl complaining about throughout this whole blog....SHE GOT PREGNANT. Its true, I know so many people have it way worse than I do but it still hurts. In some ways I feel like Great...not only do I have trouble getting pregnant but I have trouble holding my babies as well. But in all honesty I was beyond GRATEFUL. I knew that it was possible. I felt like Heavenly Father was saying to me ..its possible...just be patient. It was great! Now its been 7 months since then and I have since had heart surgery. My doctor said to me...Yes you are allowed to get pregnant between Nov and Feb but you can't go on Clomid....I laughed when I heard it. I wanted to say, "Oh so you mean I can get pregnant but I can't...GOT YA!" Anyway hopefully in the next few months Clomid will be coming my way, and I have even higher hopes that it will work, and even higher hopes that a baby will stick!! Boy us infertile girls are high maintenance....thats asking for a lot huh? But even if it does all of the above...is my infertility over...nope. Lately I've been thinking about that..I use to be somewhat bitter towards people who already had a child and were having trouble and being so devastated about having a hard time getting pregnant again. I would think...Cool it...at least you had one already. Some of us are still waiting for that. But I have realized in all my tears, my hurt and the hurt of others that it doesn't matter....infertility hurts..no matter what stage you are at...ever. But we can handle it, and thats why its us and not someone else.

Another One!

Ok so I find myself only writing on here when I am sad or just find out another person is pregnant. Sorry about that but lets get real this is an infertility blog and no matter how much I hear don't think about it I still DO! I do try to add some of my photographs just to liven things up a bit! I took one this past weekend in California! Who doesn't like a hot pair of shoes! You should see these hotties with legs in em yum ( I like it anyway) !! This week I found out two people were pregnant (new announcements). This is when it feels really rough....when you have known someone for less than 2 years and within that time they have given birth to a baby and found out they were again expecting....so that their babies could be 2 years apart.....Must be nice to be able to plan these things with such exactness. The other friend who announced she was pregnant had been trying for two months....can you only imagine. No fertility specialists or drugs...Just your Body doing what it was made to do.

Ok so away from complaining. I do feel very blessed. I have enjoyed having my husband all to myself and giving him my undivided attention. I really have. I have enjoyed that although our life is stressful I know it could be worse..I have enjoyed seeing and doing what other people wish they had done before they had a baby. I am taking lots of notes and boy do I feel prepared!!

Another Announcement...no not mine!

About three months ago, and since then I have felt as if everyone....and I mean EVERYONE was pregnant. Everyone I knew either just had a child, was about to have a child or announced they were pregnant. Well I was proven wrong. Now, everyone is pregnant, that is everyone but me.

Ok so in reality I understand that not everyone besides me is pregnant, for example, if you are reading this it could likely be that you are not pregnant or once found yourself residing in the situation I myself am in. Another example, my husband....I mean he is not pregnant so what am I complaining about right....although it seems that if it was his job things could be looking better right now, no in reality it is neither my "fault" nor his, because we together at this time are infertile. (I stole this phrase from one of my favorite blogs and it is perfect, we are together in this not one of us is at what we may call "fault") Maybe that is an aspect of fertility I should look into. Well I just wanted to vent, yesterday someone found out they were having a boy....I find this effects me more than when I hear that someone is having a girl. I have yet to dream about having a baby girl but I have dreamed about that baby boy on many occasions, so when I hear this I feel that yet another persons "dreams" are coming true. Don't get me wrong I would take a girl ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. I am not picky. I would take, twins, triplets, quadruplets you name it.

I have decided that throughout my postings I will list lessons I have learned, why??? Because we are given trials that we may be lifted up, educated and most importantly so that we can grow. They are in no particular order. Here is
Lesson # 1
From the hymn 'Lord I would follow thee', "In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see." As I sit in church mettings or various places where I am given time to contemplate I often focus on my own feelings, the people around me don't necessarily know what I am going through. They don't know that my heart is hurting, that each time I see a new baby, hear an announcement or even hear the word pregnant I feel the sting. It has made me think,"how many more people are hurting? What pains are those around me feeling? Maybe someone is going through what I am going through? Maybe someone is feeling more pain than I am? Maybe they are sad, lonely, depressed?" It reminds me of a quote I heard once, "treat everyone you meet as though their heart was breaking" If I do this, I won't offend others, I won't hurt them or make their pain worse. I will give a little light to a darkened heart. Why? Because I have been there, I am there, and although I may not know what their exact pain is, I know what mine is. Thats lesson #1.

First Post!

Ok so this blog has needed to be created for Quite sometime. I have realized lately that I am not alone in my trials. Not even close. There are so many times when I have just wanted to tell someone all of my frustrations and concerns, my wants my needs, and just lay it all on the table. Of course I can tell my husband and most importantly the Lord but sometimes I just want to hear stories from people who know. People who have overcome the trial, people who are going through or have gone through what I am going through. I call it THE FERTILITY FERRIS WHEEL. And I am sure you know why, the ups and downs are unbelievable. The purpose of this blog is to help people who are having "fertility issues" or have overcome fertility issues. I want to post success stories, sad stories, happy stories you name it. So that while we are all riding this ferris wheel we can look here for advice, comfort and hope.