Ok so on a more positive note I have been introduced to Clomid...a little secret.....before I had heart surgery I was on clomid....got pregnant and had a miscarriage... this my friends was a glimmer of hope. A big one. After 14 months of trying with no success I finally found out that pregnancy was possible. Of course I would prefer to have the baby come next month but at least I had a glimmer of hope. I know what some of you are thinking....waht is this girl complaining about throughout this whole blog....SHE GOT PREGNANT. Its true, I know so many people have it way worse than I do but it still hurts. In some ways I feel like Great...not only do I have trouble getting pregnant but I have trouble holding my babies as well. But in all honesty I was beyond GRATEFUL. I knew that it was possible. I felt like Heavenly Father was saying to me ..its possible...just be patient. It was great! Now its been 7 months since then and I have since had heart surgery. My doctor said to me...Yes you are allowed to get pregnant between Nov and Feb but you can't go on Clomid....I laughed when I heard it. I wanted to say, "Oh so you mean I can get pregnant but I can't...GOT YA!" Anyway hopefully in the next few months Clomid will be coming my way, and I have even higher hopes that it will work, and even higher hopes that a baby will stick!! Boy us infertile girls are high maintenance....thats asking for a lot huh? But even if it does all of the above...is my infertility over...nope. Lately I've been thinking about that..I use to be somewhat bitter towards people who already had a child and were having trouble and being so devastated about having a hard time getting pregnant again. I would think...Cool it...at least you had one already. Some of us are still waiting for that. But I have realized in all my tears, my hurt and the hurt of others that it doesn't matter....infertility hurts..no matter what stage you are at...ever. But we can handle it, and thats why its us and not someone else.
You're amazing.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I got pregnant back in the summer of '05, carried to five weeks and miscarried. After that, tried tried, found out my ovamaries are bum and we decided to adopt. I have a beautiful little girl, I couldn't love her more if she'd come out my ear, never been happier...
ReplyDeleteAnd infertility still kicks my butt. It likes to jump out at ya, no warning and just render you hurt.
It feels like you're constantly being mocked. At the mall this week, I overheard two sixteen year old girls talking about their plans to "get pregnant, what does my mom know?"
I've been shooting up the last three days, trying to figure out the Lord's timing because we can't figure out why we're not supposed to wait (PJ's only 13 months) and all I can think of is, "If ONE more of my friends tells me she's pregnant, I swear I'm going to kick them in the shins."
It will always bother me that I'm broken, expensive and can't do what I'm designed to do.
But I'd rather it be me than someone else.
http://feigningfertility.blogspot.com/