Ok so I typed in "month" under images (image searches are never good for anyone) and this is what I got...ironic...the first one.. Yeah not exactly what I was looking for but here it is. I thought you might appreciate the humor. Sometimes don't you feel like no matter how much you try to avoid thinking about it, it is thrown in your face ahhhhh I love it!So its been a while, but its been a rough month and a half. I was on Clomid and needless to say it didn't work...I know its only been a little while but its just another thing not working right?? Plus I have been a little down thinking about the baby or babies I would have had this last month...how nice would that be? Well it wasn't meant to be in Feb/March but maybe next Feb/ March....or sooner..."Oh wishin and hopin and thinkin and prayin." I hate waiting. Waiting is hard. Some waiting is easier but this waiting is hard....we wait and wait for the one answer which all the odds are against...and month after month the odds win out....but I keep reminding myself...it only takes 1 month, its just waiting for that 1 month, the one that seems like 1 in a million.
So on the "thrown in your face" note. The other day I was somewhere and this girl came up to me to volunteer....we stood there talking for like 10 minutes.....and the whole time she was rubbing her newly pregnant belly......I swear she was trying to rub it in my face, the fact that her womb was full and mine was empty. I knew she was expecting and I knew she wanted me to ask about it ( why else would you find the need to rub , literally, it in my face), but don't worry I was strong, I did not ask one thing. Although I know this girl had no idea of my situation I was really frustrated and annoyed but then I realized....if I were pregnant I probably wouldn't be able to keep my hands of my swelling belly for 1 minute. But I also know I would try to be a little more cautious about how other people might be feeling. Oh well. What can you do. I am just so grateful that the knowledge of infertility is being spread around so that more people can be informed about the pains that come along with it and how to speak with and be sensitive to people with infertility. I am actually writing a poem about this...hehe wait for it!
On another note....I am reading a book called "21 Days Closer to Christ" I like it a lot. I am on day three and I am loving it. I write in my journal about my experiences throughout the day. I am excited to see the difference in my life after 21 days, I have felt it already. The great thing about this book is that it doesn't matter how close you are to Christ right now because it just helps you become closer no matter where you are on the path. I like it a lot. And I made myself promise to not take a pregnancy test until that 21 days is up.....don't you love how everything comes back to this....hehe!
My husband often tells me to try and forget about infertility. But it there is always something that happens that "rubs it in my face"! I am very interested in reading this book. Thanks for recommending it!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, MB. Here's to hoping for the next cycle! You're amazing.
ReplyDeleteI like to tell myself that those who are so blatantly rubbing pregnancy in my face are enjoying the fruits of a long bout of infertility treatments and have earned the right to revel in their pregnancy. I must admit, the instant this whole Science Fair project works, I'll be fighting the urge to stop strangers on the street and tell them it worked and I was able to fake fertility.
ReplyDeleteBut it's going to be hard to not rub it in.