MY GRAND INVENTION!

Ok so I have been putting a lot of thought into this lately, as it kindof relates to my last post and here my friends is my million dollar idea. (or ideas)

Pregnancy tests for people who don't want to be pregnant..

Make those pretty much like the ones that already exist, very depressing and apathetic, just telling it how it is. Maybe have one that has a little screen that comes up when its positive and says things like

"WHOOPS"
"YIKES"
"DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING"
YOU CAN FILL IN YOUR OWN HERE!

And when its negative:

"THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE"
"BREATHE"
"PHEW"

Pregnancy Tests for People who want to be pregnant, and who have been trying.

When it is positive:
Things like this show up on the screen

"YES!!"
"WORK IT"
"You Did it"
"Way to go you two"
"I knew you could do it"
"It has finally happened"

Maybe it even prints out a $50 gift card to motherhood or baby gap, why because we deserve it!

When its negative:
The screen boosts ya back up instead of making you feel bad about yourself.

"Its ok, it will happen soon"
"I could be wrong"
"No worries"
"I'm so sorry"
"You were so close"
"Do you want me to tell your husband for you?" - Honestly, does this hit home for anyone else
"Who invented these tests anyway."
"Theres always next month" - but would we want to hear this
"Go get yourself a huge ice cream sundae"
"Go out to eat"
"Go to the mall"

Maybe it even prints out two cruise tickets for a 7 night mexican riviera cruise...bring it on!!

Oh if only! right ladies, if only . After these last 4 pregnancy tests I took, I would have just appreciated a little smiley face in the window with the negative. NOT WHAT SEEMS LIKE A HUGE NEGATIVE SYMBOL THAT SCREAMS YOU WISH! Ok maybe that was dramatic but honestly....I would pay a little extra for a more "positive" negative! Bring it on!

Fail, Fail, Fail and Crash.

Ok, to answer your questions Yes I have received similar papers before. Nice huh? Although the failing grades I have received are what you can imagine...here is the update. (And the print in this case should say See Specialist)

Thursday- Fail aka Not Pregnant
Monday- Fail aka Not Pregnant
Wednesday- Fail aka Not Pregnant
yet still no RED ALERT! (Thats what my friends and I would say in High School if one of us leaked.....I always did....is that too much information?)

HILARIOUS SIDE NOTE: After using the Thursday pregnancy test, I woke up on Sunday and thought....hmmm I wonder if you can re-use a negative pregnancy test and it will tell you its positive since its a different result. I gave it a try. NOPE, STILL NEGATIVE. My husband came in and said, "Did you just pee on that again?" with a very confused look on his face. Hehe, you try a lot of things when you are infertile! Gotta Love it!

ANOTHER ONE: This friend offered me one of her pregnancy tests so Monday after FHE I asked her if I could take her up on the offer, I went over to her house and she gave me 3!!! I was like whoa I don't need this many, she replied, "yeah you do, besides I get them in bulk off ebay....real cheap!" She is hilarious! Loved it! I considered telling her they were faulty....I guess it was just wishful thinking.

Oh and the Crash part....my Mac crashed....figures right! So I have a loaner! Lets just hope they can save everything off of it.....I had a lot of good stuff on there!

But things were better when I got an email from this amazing, amazing individual. She just made my day!! If you haven't read her blog, get addicted! She is hilarious and just amazing!

Please tell me someone has peed on a pregnancy test twice?? Anyone??haha

Some random thoughts!

*So yesterday I cried.....A LOT! But for the first time, in a long time, it wasn't because of all this. (Well I guess I probably shed a few tears about this.) I realized that there are other things to cry about. Which made me realize that other people, people who may be more fertile than me, have things to cry about too. Well that actually made me feel just a little bit better. I cried today too, for a different reason than both, see if I am crying as much as I am about as many things as I am other people are crying too, about the same things and about different things. It also made me realize....maybe I have been crying too much...very true, but it comes in shifts, I promise...I am not always so emotional.

*Lately I have been so worried, so nervous about something so ridiculous. I said to my husband, "what if I get pregnant?? What about all my friends (which I feel aren't that many) who check my fertility blog? I can't just leave them behind like that? " He looked at me as if I was crazy?!?!? And clearly I am, what a crazy concern. I was talking to my friend on the phone the other day, who was going in for AI, and said, "promise me you will tell me if you are pregnant, please don't feel bad, just know that it will give me hope!" I really meant it. Of course I will hope my turn with be shortly thereafter but it will most definitely give me hope!! And I realized that if it happens to me it will give others hope, and faith. It will make others proud as it would make me proud that one more person jumped the hurdle. I know there are many who already know they will never get pregnant and I could be in that boat too, who knows. But as long as there is hope lets keep on hopin'.

*So my friend and I were talking the other day about how we should make a stand-up comedy show for infertility. Bring our husbands along and just let it all out. We were chatting the other day and just laughing so hard. A few of the things mentioned were the fact that after my heart surgery I was on heavy blood thinners and wasn't aloud to get pregnant, so we prevented!! WHAT WERE WE THINKING? Can you think of a better way to waste money. It was so funny! I wish I could remember some more, we were just dying with laughter. Does anyone have any funny infertility things we can hear to lighten the mood and add laughter to our sticky situations?

Indecisive...

I have always had a bit of trouble making decisions...but THESE THINGS...man alive!! Its unbelievable! NO THEY ARE NOT PREGNANCY TESTS.......they are ovulation predictor sticks and they are so fickle. Here is the last few days of my experience with these jerks!!
Saturday - Negative
Sunday AM - Positive
Sunday (3 hours later)- Negative
Monday- Negative
Tuesday- Positive
Tuesday (8 hours later) - Negative
Wednesday- Postive

WHAT THE HECK!!!!! Honestly it is pretty hilarious! I can't believe it. At least I know this, I don't plan on wasting any more money on these bad boys! I will just have to try it out the old fashion way...hehe....you know what I mean!!

One time.....

Ok so heres the story, the one I have needed to document for quite sometime, sorry its a little long but there are pictures! The end of April I went on Clomid. I was so excited to finally be trying something different, something that has worked for so many other people. The first month I was on 50 mg. I didn't have any negative effects (I took it in the pm just to make sure I didn't go loco while at work or anything crazy like that) but I also didn't ovulate. The doctor boosted me up to 100mg and I started to feel cramping 1/2 way through the month, I saw a glimmer of hope. During this time (May) I found out that I had a hole in my heart which was most likely causing the neurological symptoms I was having accompanied by the migraine headaches which have ailed me for the last 12 -13 years! I was so excited that they found something that was causing them as they have so often studied my brain with endless MRI's and had nothing to show for it. Well I finished out my clomid cycle and had planned my heart surgery for June. The lucky day came, boy was I nervous! I had prayed and felt that having this surgery was the right decision (always fearing that migraines would get in the way of my ability to care for my children and give them my undivided attention). When I got to the hospital I was brought to a room, hooked up to a monitor and told that I would have a 2-3 hour wait. I was still really nervous and to say the least I wanted to get out!!! I was really afraid I was going to die or something like that. The nurse came in and asked me if I had taken a pregnancy test. I told her that I hadn't but that there was no possible way I was pregnant, My period had started right on time and was currently continuing, I also added that we had been trying for over a year so that just added to the fact that it was impossible. She nodded and said ok but by law we have to take one anyway. I went through the drill, gotta love those cups!! About a half our later the nurse came into my room and said, um.....you're pregnant! I looked at her and didn't really think anything of it and said, No you have the wrong person, its not possible. She said, No its you and I tested it three times. I replied in a matter of fact way "I don't believe you, bring on the blood test." She agreed and went ahead with the process. This testing method takes a little longer and for the next 45 minutes I was trying not to get my hopes up. My husband and I laughed a lot. I was like, CAN YOU IMAGINE if we really were. I remember walking into the bathroom, still nervous that if I went through with this surgery that something horrible was going to happen. I remember praying, "Please let me be pregnant, I don't want to do this right now, I can't do this right now. " I felt peaceful, I didn't know if it was peace that all would go well with the surgery or peace that I would be pregnant, but it was Peace. The next image I have will never be erased from my memory all of a sudden I heard some noise outside my room, in came 8-10 nurses all smiling and saying, CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE PREGNANT! They brought me a bag with my positive test results attached to it. Inside was a little brown bear, my main nurse said, "This is the first gift for the baby!" Needless to say, I didn't get my surgery that day. I took a picture with my nurse and the bear! My husband and I took this picture outside the hospital

and then went to Zupas to celebrate. It was an amazing day! Within the next two days after more blood tests I found out that I was having a miscarriage. It was really hard, there were a lot, A LOT, A LOT of tears! Although I don't know exactly why this happened there were a few reasons why I think it happened, why I am grateful it happened and a few things that I learned because this happened.

1. I could get Pregnant, after 14 months I felt a glimmer of hope, although this month (February) I would have this baby or babies in my arms I still felt so blessed to know I could get pregnant!
2. My Father In Heaven Cares for me and knows me personally, He answers my prayers and reminds me constantly that His Ways are best.
3. I wouldn't have known I was pregnant if I had not gone to the hospital, I wouldn't have known it was possible. (I was on my period, you don't check when thats goin on)
4. The nurses in the cardio cath lab are amazing! I felt so loved, special and cared for that day. The cute bear, the fact that they all came to my room! It was the sweetest thing ever!
5. If I never get pregnant again, I will always feel so blessed to know what it felt like, even if it was just for one day, some people have never and will never have that opportunity, although it was early and there was so much I didn't experience I experienced the excitement of it and it was overwhelming.
6. I got to go to Babies R- Us Pregnant, I had never done that before! Even though I was pretty sure that I was having a miscarriage, I had to go before I knew for sure, so I could really enjoy it!
7. I didn't have to get my surgery that day, I saw my family a few days later and was so glad I could see them before I had to go through it again!
8. Clomid worked once and it can work again!

After doing research I have suspicions that I was pregnant with twins or another type of multiples as my levels were extremely high for as far along as I was, who knows, but that is exciting too!

Sometimes I like to relive that glorious day when I was pregnant, We lived it up! It will someday happen again, I have faith.

I feel better!

When I have a lump in my throat, this is usually why.
I found this on one of my favorite blogs. I love it! It makes me feel so good, I kept saying YES!! I know!!! Sometimes its hard to tell people what hurts and what doesn't This is so true!!
My next post I will tell about my first pregnancy!!! Yay! What a glorious day it was!

I LOVE THE ENSIGN!

Without fail, each month the Ensign lifts me up. There is always something (usually many things) there that touches me and speaks to me. It is incredible! This month it was the article titled "The blessing of the Blackberry Bush." This quote by the amazing man pictured above gives me so much hope and a little bit greater understanding. "The Saints should always remember that God sees not as man sees; that he does not willingly afflict his children, and that if he requires them to endure present privation and trial, it is that they may escape greater tribulations which would otherwise inevitably overtake them. If He deprives them of any present blessing, it is that he may bestow upon them greater and more glorious ones by-and-by." ~George Q. Cannon.
I LOVE THAT! Something greater is coming! Or something worse was avoided, if we look at that How Grateful are we for what He gives us! Its amazing!